What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You ruined the universe
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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