OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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