He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
