i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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