when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
