he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
