yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
