So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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