Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
