Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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