Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There r osticjed everywhere
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
