i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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