It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
