I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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