hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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