How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
