dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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