I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
