I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
