Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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