Michael Bay diarrhea
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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