I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
