He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
