Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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