I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
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my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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