After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am naked and annoyed.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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