Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
