I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
