Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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