There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
