Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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