i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
