And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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