whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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