I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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