Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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