it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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