john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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