The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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