I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
