I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
