new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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