Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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