she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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