There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
