I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
