Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
