Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
