Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
