Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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