Jerry, you need to find god
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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