i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
