just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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