My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
