Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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