Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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