If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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