i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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