I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize