I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
