I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
