First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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