So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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