He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
