"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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