Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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