even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
