Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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