after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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